Morning ladies. Yes, dull, dreary, damp, depressing ... where is LOTM when we need him? Think I might just give him a second de-crumple to cheer myself up. He doesn't seem to mind!

Ruthie, hope you didn't damage yourself in your descent into what must have seemed like a bottomless pit! I should think the peace in your B&B must have been shattered. I can only imagine what would have happened if 'our lot' had been there!

Sue, hope your 'bazooms' have recovered from the unseemly interruption yesterday!

Hi Ladies

Just to say the fantastic time in Bath was made all the more special with the after show party.
I just wanted to tell you I have started knitting but but have only odd balls of wool so the garment is rather resembling a certain coat.My problem is I am nearing the stage to cast on for the trunk but without a pattern I am at a loss as to how many stitches I need to cast on.Any ideas?

Sue this radiographer ie moi,I would have jumped and squealed with you at your text message if it had happened in my therapy area.Anyway must get back to the knitting.....

Kim - I hope you have made sure the wool is baby-soft and kind to sensitive skin!!

SueC - I was about to send you the link to a certain item which requires approval by the resident medical personnel. However, you seem to share your email address with your OH. I didn't want to get you into trouble; he might think that this is his Xmas present and would be sorely disappointed when he can't find it under the tree, come Xmas. Not sure what to do about that!?

I had a wonderful time at the weekend - looking forward to seeing you all soon.

Morning ladies
Cloudy and damp in my part of MM today again. So glad the sun came out for us at the weekend . Ruthie, if only we had known you were all returning to The Hammer House Of Horror we would have sent the Boss with you. He would have guarded and protected you all. If you had sent him into your descending room first, he would have caught you as you plunged down the step Hope your back is ok, did you pull anything? Would you like a massage from LOTM?
Why is it that wherever we go something happens We can never just fetch up and go to bed in a normal fashion can we
Talking of fetching up...the look on the Barman's face at The Frances when we all trouped in was a picture wasn't it. Talk about a scene from Fawlty Towers. "Could we all have drinks please" "Drinks, what sort of drinks??" "Oh sorry, we thought this was a Bar"
When he staggered back from the cellar, loaded up with vino supplies, the looks on OUR faces. If LOTM had walked in minus his shirt, we couldn't have looked more delighted
Asher, please could you send your Wild Life Study asap, regardless of my OH. I will tell him not to bother opening your particular em, as it's an article on the Menopause. He'll never open that. He gets it all day at work, so there's no danger he will want to hear about HRT while at home Sorted We really can't wait
Also it will help in the knitting conundrum. I've been thinking Kim. Either I could try and work out the number of stiches you need to cast on when I do my H&BFL check in a minute but he gets a bit tetchy if I try and add in anything different in that area. I can't think why..... It's for his own good after all. The best thing will be if we let his Wardrobe Mistress get her tape measure out again. She is a dab hand at that. We must keep an eye that she doesn't get diverted in her task and gets sidetracked with angles and dangles
But, if in doubt Kim, go for bigger rather than smaller. It never pays to skimp does it, especially in this cold weather.

OK, H&BFL check now completed and he is FIT FIT FIT ladies. I didn't even attemp to work out knitting details as he was in a rush, so let's go with Plan B. Curly.... it's down to you now

Forgot to say girls that when the bar bill was presented to me when I checked out, you were spot on with your calculations Thanks for all your hard work sorting it out the night before. I reckon you could sort out the Euro Crisis in next to no time. Send all of those Finance Ministers and that Madam Legrande? (lady with short grey hair and smart suits) off to Costa for an hour and you lot would have Greece back on her feet before they can say Latte

Sue still on the KF trying to recover!!!!

However, 'DUTY CALLS'!!! now do I need the flexible tape measure or the more rigid one? - I do have quite a selection in the MM needlework box you know?
Decisions! Decisions! .... mind you I have to get this perfect!...all the 'angles' and 'dangles' to take into consideration, and I was never very good at arithmetic...so anything could happen.
Ooooooooo!!!!! all this responsibility!!! We must get these calculations perfect for Kim! We can't afford to have any stitches dropped! or get the pattern wrong can we? -
Better check out the wardrobes first though, must make sure the LOTM has some clothes left out for today...
Enjoy Wednesday everyone.

Hey Curly, watch that ridged one, that could cause problems. Motto for life "Always go for flexible" Then there's room for manouvre
Have you got a Hay Bag? If so, stick it in the microwave for 20 seconds, then wrap it round your tape measure

Good piece of advice Sue...
I'll trot off to the stables now, and see if I can pinch one of Prince's
('Hay bags' that is!)
Must make sure that none of the straw sticks to the tape measure though...wouldn't want the Boss to end up with any problems! They tell me you can get a fever from Hay!... Gulp!...Don't worry ladies I will make sure that every trace is removed.
No harm will come to our gorgeous LOTM

Why did I have to start reading this just as the phone rang? I almost shrieked with laughter at a Local Government official just then!

I'd better get LOTM de-crumpled asap if angles and dangles are coming into the equation! You've no idea how much extra work they can cause!!

By the way, thank you C/Liz for the item through the letterbox this morning.

Morning A/Liz...

Got your 'set square' ready then???? might just need some finer angle measurements taken later!

You're welcome - OH played Postman on his way to work this morning...Hope it's the right amount.
I will settle any differences at next Staff Meeting...

Lavender, Curly, a Lavender Hay Bag, not some rough stuff from the stable !! The one I've got is covered with a pretty material and smells of lavender. Heaven knows what a dollup of hay from Prince's stable will smell of....

oooooo! errrrr! Sorry Sue!!!
I know what I'll do...I'll go and raid the LOTM's 'lavender patch'...and waft some over
Prince's Hay Bag!...that'll make it smell better eh? Have to watch out for those little lavender seeds though - they could go anywhere!!!
How's about that Sue...any better???

Well Curly Wurly, I think we're at cross purposes here I'm talking about those warming bags that you use if your hands are cold and your talking about horses bedding Lets just warm your tape measure up in the normal way. Actually I don't think I've ever warmed a tape measure up in my life. How the flipin heck did we get on to this ??
If we don't watch out the Boss will go shopping or something and the chance to sort the knitting out for Kim will be gone. I know, you measure and I'll distract him with his Flu Jab. He won't know who to fight off first, poor boy.

Well!...'horse's bedding' is warm too Sue...LOL!
So I've been told you understand! ...but you're right we must get on with the business in hand...and sort out the Boss before he realises what is happening!
Now do we do the measuring first, or the flu jab?
If you do the flu jab first, he may flinch, and I wont get a proper measurement!...and if I measure first, he may not be able to stand up for your jab (as in flu) quite a dilemma really...LOL!

Really Ladies, I'm at your antics . Poor LOTM . If he comes in my direction, I'll tell him Kim wants to knit him something nice and warm for Christmas and wants his measurements . I'll let him think it's one of those big jumpers with 'Father Christmas' on the front, won't he get a surprise on Christmas morning

Hope this goes through as my i/net's playing up this morning.

He will certainly get a surprise if 'Father Christmas' comes with a knitted TRUNK!
of goodies for the festive season!!!
Morning Annie...

I can't post, I'm laughing too much

Ooooh, hang on a clock tick......I though Kim was knitting ears !!!! What have you been attempting to measure Curly His suitcase ??

I thought that's what we decided - have I got it all wrong again then????
Must admit I didn't mind getting it wrong on this occasion - do they call that
'The elephant in the room'???

I've got an idea! Why doesn't Kim knit two sizes - 'Indian' and 'African' - then he can choose whichever is appropriate for the, erm, occasion! Just as long as Kim has plenty of wool .....

You mean like the knitted Australian 'budgie' and 'eagle smugglers'?
Don't mind that either - I get the chance to measure him twice...A/Liz!!!!
That's both ears!!!...Sue!

Girl's, Kim won't want to mess about with the LOTM like this. She's a busy lady. If we ask her to double up with the Boss (knitting wise) she may tell us to stick the ears, or the trunk, where the sun doesn't shine
Shall we wait til she gets back to MM later, then grovel to her and see just what she is prepared to do with him ?? If we commit her to both long and short, even if that covers African and Indian, we could lose her goodwill
Or......she could knock us over in the rush to oblige
Whaddya think?

YES!...Agreed....


That's if she manages to get to the top of the queue first!

Having read your convos regarding measuring with some alarm (!) for LOTM's safety, physical, mental and emotional, I have cranked up my techie skills and have acquired 2 instructional photos for you ladies. These have been dispatched to the chief medical officer and will hopefully make their way safely through cyberspace. No were harmed in the taking of these photographs!

Hopefully they will assist you in measuring all the, err, collecting all the appropriate statistics , using the correct , bought up to body temperature, obviously. I think the photos will help to illustrate the need for absolute precision and accuracy. Then Kim can get on with the multicoloured garment so that it is ready for LOTM to snuggle into during the cold winter months. Like department stores - we care!

Asher, I have just received your two instructional photos regarding the er, um, garment to be knitted.
To say I'm in hysterics just doesn't cover it,
I now fully understand the very real need for accuracy and precision with LOTM's portfolio of measurments.
I think we have made far too much of a joke with this assignment today. This is obviously a case for serious calculations to be made and care to be taken at all times
I am slightly worried about the "tools" you have provided us with in your post. Steady hands are obviously called for if you think we should use them in our task. If the Boss claps eyes on them we could have a very tricky situation on our hands. To say he may do a runner is the understatement of the year
Rest assured we will, as ever, take the greatest of care of our dear LOTM and as soon as the rest of the Staff are assembled we will grit our teeth and get on with it.
I must add Asher that you made a very valid point earlier when you posted that any wool Kim uses MUST be extra soft. Curly Liz will be dispatched to our good friend Mr Tesco to lay in copious amounts of Fairy Soft for woollens, plus a catering sized bottle of Comfort Rinse Aid
If anyone on line hears screams coming from the direction of MM tonight don't worry, we are just tickling him, no need to alert the Emergency Services

OK, LADIES I HAVE EMAILED YOU WITH ASHERS DIAGRAMS. STOP COOKING DINNER AND RETURN TO THE MANOR PLEASE

Thank you, Asher - the CMO (has Sue been promoted?) has circulated the potential designs. Very tasteful - the question is, pink or grey? So glad the ears are visible, we'd hate to have any confusion in that department! You are quite right about precision and accuracy, very important. I wonder if there is a sample LOTM could try on for our gratification size?

Excellent idea, ALiz re the sample. However, due to the nature of the design, these are bespoke garments. We wouldn't want any damage to occur, would we. Apart from anything else we would never hear the end of it if this garment would fall short in any way! Can you just imagine! So we will need to wait for Kim to finish her wondrous creation - I believe that she is a very fast knitter. I feel that we need to thank PKP for sourcing this particular item; I'm certainly very grateful for her research which she has kindly shared with us all!

PS sorry about giving Nurse a new title. I'm afraid this is real life interfering - my work are giving us ever changing new job titles, usually on a monthly basis. Same jobs, new titles. So I did the same to Sue; force of habit. I'm pondering an alternative for De-crumpler but inspiration hasn't struck yet.

Sue, I asked my dear dad what I should use to measure a circumference; that comes closest to his suggestion although I hope that the hammer is surplus to requirements. Dad suggests a slide rule for the other measurement. He should know, he is an architect and he says "Die Statik" is very important.

Ooh, I work in R/L for architects. Will this help??? I think we have a slide rule stashed away in the cupboard somewhere.

Oh dear, circumferences, it will be radiuses (radii) next. Do we need pi R squared (for some reason can't do the symbols on the forum!!! )?

OK Asher, Dads always know best. Slide Rule it is then. We could well slide with it. Also Die Statik will be handled with great panache.
Yes indeedy, many thanks to the wondrously clever PKP
Thanks for the promotion by the way. Trouble is I am very keen on basic hands on nursing, especially with LOTM, so I may have to stand aside and let a younger person climb the career ladder. It was very kind of you to offer though

Oh, I very much hope we don't need Pi R Squared! I have never been a fan of Pi!! We will have to convert the measurements into stitches though so ratios might be involved. Think of the finished article though, modeled by LOTM himself. It'll be worth it! And there are the health benefits to be considered as well, of course.

I would ask what size needles Kim is using, but knowing LOTM and needles, he will run a mile if he even gets an inkling (never mind that they're not THOSE needles).

Er - health benefits? Not for the staff - we'll have palpitations, hot flushes, fainting fits .....

- for the second morning in a row, I find myself on the KF LOLOLOL!...
Can eyeballs get 'steamed up' Chief Sue? or was it my glasses

Must just make one small observation though...as 'Mistress of the Robes'...I have the job of dressing the LOTM but would invite any ideas on how to manoeuvre the Boss into said garment when it's finished!!!...and I'm not using a shoe horn this time!!!!!!

Morning ladies...well what a day yesterday!
Kim certainly has her work cut out for her today, sorting out that very intricate pattern design...I just hope we managed to get the measurments correct. LOL!
Well I'm orf! to 'polish my eyeballs' and to sort out some clothes for the LOTM
Enjoy Thursday everyone

Morning Curly. Morning ladies
Yes indeed Curly, you do seem to have a bit of a problem when the time comes to help LOTM glide into his woolley whatsits. I honestly don't think I've laughed so much on seeing the HRT piccies, since the straws in the Guiness moment in Dublin
I think we underestimated the measurments yesterday ladies. Caution prevailed when experience should have guided us
We will certainly have to apply our minds to the vexing question of how he gets them on. Perhaps if we measure the width of the ears and go from there? The elephants ears, not LOTM's of course.
As to the other er, bit,perhaps we could all help you? I wouldn't want you to strain anything in the course of your clothing duties Curly Shall we put it top of our agenda for discussion at the next Staff Meeting?
I have just done the H&BFL checks and he is FIT FIT FIT ladies. I did an extra check today and can only say the woolley whatsits should be fine but heaven help us if it gets flung in a hot wash by mistake
Have a lovely Thursday everyone

Good morning ladies. All I can say is Womans Weekly never had knitting patterns like that in my sainted mother's day!!! I see the reason for the ears - sort of grab handles - very useful for pulling on said garment.

Ooh, no, Sue, can't have it going in the hot wash - not only would it shrink, but it would go all matted - thickened as my grandmother used to say.

Morning Sue and A/Liz
A HOT wash Sue!!!!
Perhaps Kim could allow a few extra stitches here and there, just in case!!!

I get this 'sagging' sinking feeling too, that a 'cold water wash' wouldn't be advisable either...
Much less strain!...on the Staff though!

In this scenario...Kim would probably have to reduce the overall number of stitches to allow the pattern to develop naturally, and not distort out of proportion...if you see what I mean!

Afternoon ladies...well it's late afternoon, and very quiet in MM...has anyone seen the LOTM? today?
Perhaps if I make a brew and mention Joan is baking a cake he will appear out of the woodwork! he knows she makes 'Exceedingly good cakes'
What we need Joan...is something 'naughty but nice' with 'mega' calories involved!!!...LOL! well I do anyway! total exhaustion has just set in
Plenty of setees! sorry! chaise lounges in MM if anyone's in a similar state, and needs some urgent R&R...
Come on in...kick off your shoes, I'm sure the Boss won't mind...

Hi C/Liz, I'll have a slice of if there's any left. Yes, LOTM is very quiet - I expect he's gone into hiding with all this talk of needles and shrinkage!

I wonder if LOTM has nipped off for a short holiday; LVM was tweeting that she was at the airport and would be back in a week. That, or he is knee-deep in Betsy's toys and is becoming very knowledgeable on all things relating to Pippa Pig. In that case I hope BBE is not getting jealous!

Hello Ladies, just thought I would pop in for two mins!! I have been very interested in reading about the knitting project, sounds so cosily yummy. But can I throw a spanner in the works please?
When doing said special measurement for the trunk, are you doing it for short or elongated position????
One has to plan for growth you know, especially in certain circumstances and we know LOTM is very prone to growth!!! Just thought I'd mention, keep up the great work of looking after LOTM and MM.

Ladies I hope you are using very very soft wool. Are you using an elastic,ribbon or button on the top?

Good morning ladies well it's lovely to see our chaise lounges in MM were kept busy yesterday...

Asher...ooooh!...noooo!...we can't have BBE getting all jealous and 'streaky' can we!!!
We must make sure she is visited more regularly!

TriciaC NZ...I don't think Kim has decided on the final design yet!!! LOL!...these things do take awhile, but I'm sure she will arrive at the right conclusion in the closeness of time!...with regard to the final design and pattern you understand!

Graziellla...Kim tells us the wool is very fine and soft with a touch of silk threaded through it for good measure!... but I hasten to add that no 'half loop' stitches are being used though!!!... also not sure at this stage, about the final fixing mechanism! I expect Kim (well probably not just Kim) will think about this point very carefully too!!!

Now I must get back to MM duty...The LOTM seems to be keeping a low profile today, so I will take myself off to the wardrobes to sort out something smart for him to wear.
Have a lovely Friday everyone.

Morning Curly. Morning ladies
Lovely to see so many friends in MM.
The word "button" jumped out at me Graziellla....did you mean shiny ones, like the ones on the trousers he wore for the RAH concert? If so, that would be very er, nice Sort of illuminating.....
Ribbon might get tangled up in things and elastic might um, pinch him

I've just done a very intensive H&BFL check and he is FIT FIT FIT ladies
Kim, keep flexing those knitting needles
Have a lovely Friday everyone.

Morning Sue...ooooooooo!... those 'shiny buttons'!!!
What lovely memories!!! and pleasant thoughts for the rest of the day!
Are you sure Kim will be able to hold her hands still enough...to fix 'shiny buttons' though??...
I suppose she could always use the ears...like they do on 'Steiff' bears - it may even become a
'Collector's Piece' then!

Good morning ladies. Nice to see so many international visitors in MM last night. Hope the chaise longue was comfortable!

Have no fear, knitting wool has improved since the days of our youth. Kim has visited Mr Magic's Needlecraft Emporium and has purchased yarn that both supports and stretches upon demand, so that every need is catered for. Ooh, I like the idea of those shiny buttons again (falls into moment of nostalgia!)

Morning, C/Liz - great minds etc etc!

Morning A/Liz... have you put in your order yet for this 'Collector's Piece' then?
I reckon we could make 'a mint' for the 'MM Restoration Fund' don't you?
Kim... keep on knitting - we may have a cunning plan in the development stages!!

Friday night - time for a or two - sorry, Kim, not you, we can't have you knitting under the influence and dropping stitches!

Afternoon ladies ... ladies .... ladies? Where are you all? Have you all gone into hiding with LOTM?

Hee hee hee! That means I can have a thorough rummage through the wardrobes, the wine cellars, the music room, the kitchen ......

Good morning ladies...well it looks as if the LOTM has taken some time off this week with his family, to recharge those gorgeous batteries, before the start of his tour in Japan...Awww! Bless!...
I do hope he's having a lovely time...
I think the Staff at MM have also taken 'time out' too... catching up on lots of things around the Manor.
A/Liz...how did your 'rummaging' go? and more to the point, did you find anything interesting in your search?
Well lots to do, places to go and things to sort out for the Boss. We must make sure everything is nice and tidy for when he returns to MM...
Enjoy Monday everyone, wherever you are in the world and whatever you are doing!!!